Letters

Hi Jonah,

As always, your vocabulary is growing by the day.  When we read books with you, you definitely have your favorites and have memorized lots of them.  So you read them to us sometimes.  And you sing along when we sing bedtime songs.  You have almost learned the ABC song, and you like to sing it by yourself.  You do so well with your letters.  We are still working on getting you to recognize all the numbers. 

My favorite things you've said this month are, "Does that make sense?"  And, "Yes sir!"  We're not sure where you learned 'sir', but you say it in such a hilarious way.  And your kid logic is amazing.  As we're passing the Honda dealer, "Grandma has an H like that on her car!"  When you want to play with one of Sophie's toys, "But Sophie is asleep.  I can have that now."  You like to pull out one of the two posts that hold the gate shut in the backyard, and when we scold you for it, "But there is still one in the gate.  Ochre won't get out."  You ARE an obedient kid, but what we ask MUST pass the kid logic test.  If it makes sense to you, you're happy to obey. 

You might be growing out of your afternoon nap soon.  For the past while it's been a little hit and miss.  I'm not sure if I like when you take naps or not.  You're much more cheerful in the evening if you've had a nap, but you go to bed earlier when you haven't.  No offense, I still love you lots and lots, but it's very nice when you go to bed early.  It means your mother and I can go to bed early too.  We don't get enough sleep in this house.  

You are still so darn cute, little boy.  I still love to watch you run.  It's your short legs that pump so fast, and the way you hold your arms.  And every time you're upset about something, whether it be a bonk on your head or your parents telling you to go to bed, you want to snuggle.  I LOVE snuggling with you.  I know you won't like it forever, so I'm soaking up every minute.  I love that you're excited when I come home.  I love that you narrate what's going on in your life to me, even when I'm in the kitchen and you're down the hall in your room.  "Daddy!  When the red goes away, I can get up!"  (You have a timer with a red wedge showing how much time is left for something.  As time goes by the wedge shrinks, and eventually disappears.)

I've spent a lot of time this month thinking about what life is going to be like as you grow up.  There is so much to learn.  There is so much to teach you.  I'm not so great of a teacher myself, so I rely on your Mama a lot, and I pray that I will be able to make the most of the learning moments I'm given with you.  I have a lot to learn as well. 

I want you to be able to think for yourself.  I want you to be able to make conscious decisions about things like what extracurricular activities you wanto do during your junior high and high school years, or what college to attend, or what to study in school, or whether or not you want to believe in the things your parents believe in.  You have so much more control of your life than I do.  You need to choose things to do based on how much you want to do them, and how much you want the consequences of those choices.  Live your life by choice, not by letting others choose for you, including me.  There are two poems I think are inspirational in deciding how to live your life.  I may not agree 100% with everything they say, but the sentiment is very good.

The first is "If--" by Rudyard Kipling:

If you can keep your head when all about you
Are losing theirs and blaming it on you;
If you can trust yourself when all men doubt you,
But make allowance for their doubting too:
If you can wait and not be tired by waiting,
Or being lied about, don't deal in lies,
Or being hated, don't give way to hating,
And yet don't look too good, nor talk too wise;

If you can dream--and not make dreams your master;
If you can think--and not make thoughts your aim,
If you can meet with Triumph and Disaster
And treat those two imposters just the same:
If you can bear to hear the truth you've spoken
Twisted by knaves to make a trap for fools,
Or watch the things you gave your life to, broken,
And stoop and build 'em up with worn-out tools;

If you can make one heap of all your winnings
And risk it on one turn of pitch-and-toss,
And lose, and start again at your beginnings
And never breathe a word about your loss:
If you can force your heart and nerve and sinew
To serve your turn long after they are gone,
And so hold on when there is nothing in you
Except the Will which says to them: "Hold on!"

If you can talk with crowds and keep your virtue,
Or walk with Kings--nor lose the common touch,
If neither foes nor loving friends can hurt you,
If all men count with you, but none too much:
If you can fill the unforgiving minute
With sixty seconds' worth of distance run,
Yours is the Earth and everything that's in it,
And--which is more--you'll be a Man, my son!

The second poem is "Invictus" by William Ernest Henry:

Out of the night that covers me,
      Black as the Pit from pole to pole,
I thank whatever gods may be
      For my unconquerable soul.

In the fell clutch of circumstance
      I have not winced nor cried aloud.
Under the bludgeonings of chance
       My head is bloody, but unbowed.

Beyond this place of wrath and tears
      Looms but the horror of the shade,
And yet the menace of the years
      Finds, and shall find me, unafraid.

It matters not how strait the gate,
      How charged with punishments the scroll,
I am the master of my fate;
      I am the captain of my soul.

As I grew up, I never really understood that I was in control.  I always wanted to blame someone else for any unfortunate circumstances I might fall into, when in reality it was my inaction and passivity that got me there in the first place.  I don't want you to make the same mistakes.  I hope you'll learn early to make your own decisions, and to make good choices too.

I love you, Jonah. 

Love,

Daddy

It seems that just in this last month you have really opened up to discovery of your world.  Now that you're walking, you can carry things from one place to another, get there faster, and see more because you're standing up.  You LOVE walking.  Mama says you do laps between the kitchen and living room when I'm at work.  And of course you're getting into all sorts of things you didn't get into before.  You've learned what it means to chase and be chased.  And you giggle both ways. Some of your favorite things to do around the house now are climbing into the tub when we've left the bathroom door open, dropping whatever you're doing and heading for the bathroom when you hear bath water running, closing the dishwasher every chance you get, and bringing various books and toys down the hall to present to the dog.  It's almost like you're trying to feed them to her.  The other surprising part about that is that she's well behaved enough to not eat them.  In any case, it's exciting to see you interact with your world.

Your giggle, your voice, your smile, your ticklishness, and your snuggles have completely melted my heart.  Shortly after my last letter you practically sang your way through church, so enamored with the sounds you could make, and amusing everyone around you. I love your little voice.  You have these very soft and very high sounds you make that Mama calls your bedroom voice.  It's very cute.  And every time I change your diaper I can't resist tickling you, because you have such a sweet giggle.  

The other side of your voice is the wide-mouthed firetruck-siren cry you give out when you get hurt, you're tired, or just when things aren't going your way.  You have the wind-up and everything.  Mama brought you up to my work for lunch this past week and while we were eating something happened to you and your cry wound up from nothing to a full-on shaking rage.  We just had to laugh at your red, red face and your little fists shaking in outrage.  That's the first time we've seen you do that.  And just last night you woke me up at 2:00 A.M. with a screaming fit.  When I went in your room you were standing up holding on to the top rail of your crib, so disoriented with your screaming that you were facing the wall instead of the door.  As the light from the hallway came in you turned to me with this look on your face like, "Well this is a bit embarrassing."  It took you some time to calm down, and even longer for the shaky breathing to stop.  But we had a good snuggle and you eventually went back to sleep. 

Mama surprised me one evening this month when I came home and she asked you, "Can you snuggle?"  You laid your head down on her shoulder and snuggled for a bit.  Then she handed you to me and you snuggled with me too. Oh heavens, how do I describe that?  It's the same feeling I get when you fall asleep on my shoulder.  It's rare, and it doesn't come without a good screaming fest, but it's all the more precious because of that.  

My favorite moments with you this month have been when I'm tipping your sippy cup up for you.  Your head is tipped way back and you just look at me.  Again, it's your beautiful wide blue eyes with those striking long eyelashes, just looking quietly up at your Daddy.  I love the silent, peaceful moments I get to share with you.  I imagine there will be less and less of that as you grow older, so I'm enjoying it while I can.  I love you, and I hope you will always be able to feel that.

Love,

Daddy