This one just hit me one morning on my way to work. I've done
things wrong, just like anyone else. I often feel guilty about the
things I should or shouldn't have done. I think this is normal, but my
new realization is that it's terribly crippling. Guilt is probably the
most common psychological response to the disconnect between what you
believe and what you do. There is an essay I heard on NPR's "This I Believe" series where Sister Helen Prejean
says, "The only way I know what I really believe is by keeping watch
over what I do." This to me is the essence of learning. You will know
you have learned one of life's lessons when you have changed how you
act.
Where does guilt fit in to the
learning process? I believe it doesn't fit at all. As I see it, guilt
is a crippling downward spiral that slowly becomes all-consuming, to
the point of paralysis. It is the fear of doing something wrong, fear
of losing someone else's
respect, and ultimately, fear of losing respect for ourselves. Guilt
falls into the same category as self pity. It's not productive. There
is no good guilt.
There are, however, positive responses to our own actions that go against our own beliefs. Disappointment, sorrow, apology and recommitment are perfectly acceptable, without the burden of guilt. We must take responsibility for a wrong action, but must also be emotionally free to make additional, progressive actions, not hampered by fear of wrongdoing or repercussion. I can feel earnestly sorry for forgetting to feed the dog in the morning, apologize to my wife for making her do it, and recommit myself to fulfilling that responsibility hereafter. There is no need for me to feel guilty about it. This is a trivial example, but it scales to fit any situation. If we are to progress as rapidly as I believe we can, we can't let guilt in any measure slow us down.
Responsibility is important. We have to be accountable to ourselves, our families, and society for our own actions. But we do NOT have to carry a burden of guilt. We are greater beings that we often give ourselves credit for, and we must develop the ability to completely forgive ourselves and those around us in order for us to reach our full potential.
Guilt does NOT help progression.
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